It occurred to me that some people might not be able to understand the terminology that I used in my "True Blood" recaps, so, taking a cue from the indomitable cleolinda, I put together something of a glossary just in case you were wondering.  Enjoy.

THIS GLOSSARY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ALL SEASONS OF TRUE BLOOD.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


A

A.B.
aka AIDS Burger aka the guy who Lafayette beat up for saying he wanted his burger without AIDS aka the guy that Eric sexily dismembers.  (The way Eric dismembers him his sexy, not the dismemberment itself.)

Alpha Male Unitard
like Sookie's Woman Empowerment Cape, this is the unitard that Alcide puts on when he has to tell Sookie how it is

ASkars
Alexander Skarsgard, aka Eric Northman

A VAMPIRE, YO
the way that Bill constantly reminds Sookie that he is a vampire because, obviously, she could forget.  See also Yo



B

Back of Nasty  trademark renwednesday 
the grossness that was Sookie's back in the episode "Scratches," easily one of the grossest things I've ever seen

Black Woman Empowerment Cape
Tara's version of Sookie's cape, usually dosed with a heavy amount of racial observations

blurry blurness
see vampires

bone party
those crazy orgies that Maryann would have when she'd do the hippy hippy shake, can also be used to describe any act of sexual intercourse



C

Casa de Stackhouse
Sookie's house.  DUH.

Case of the QSA's, a
a Case of the Queen Sophie-Anne's, meaning that the vampire in question has fangs that are huge and don't fit right and look totally stupid, the same way that Queen Sophie-Anne's fangs look.

Cootah
aka Cooter, one of the werewolves that works for the King of Mississippi.  This comes from how the King says Cooter's name.

Cromwell Mott
aka Franklin Mott, played by James Frain.  He was Cromwell on "The Tudors". I have trouble letting go.

Cult Camp
the Light of Day workshop that the Fellowship of the Sun puts on which Jason attends



D


Deputy Bitchpants
aka Kenya because that is what she is

Douche Wife
aka Reverend Douche Newlin, Jr.'s wife, a blonde monstrosity



E

eye-hating
aka laser beams eyes, when you look at someone like this -_- because you are imagining you have laser beams coming out your eyes to destroy them

eye-loving
giving someone the googly eyes because you are OMG so in love with them, or want to sleep with them.  Either one.



G

GRR ARGH
the noise that vampires make when they pop a fang, in tribute to the little zombie at the end of every episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"



H

HeyZeus
aka Jesus, the nurse who takes care of Lafayette's mom.

hypnovamp
also known as glamour, when vampires use their vampire mojo to control humans

hippy hippy shake
that crazy shaky camera that happens when Maryann...does whatever Maryann does that turns her into the Bull Man Thing



L

Lake Merlotte
the random body of water behind Merlotte's

LET ME GO PUT ON A SHIRT
The single greatest sentence ever spoken on "True Blood". It is the perfect response to any question.  "What time is it?" LET ME GO PUT ON A SHIRT

LIK WO
"like whoa" from a song by Mya called "My Love Is Like...Wo!"   one of the most hilariously crap songs ever.  The spelling of LIK came from a typo.

LO LO BROWNIES LO LO CORNBREAD LO LO BEAN POD
the chant that Maryann and her followers go into when the black-eyed craziness overtakes them

Lookapalooza, The
The scene in "Timebomb" when Eric mentions that maybe some day Sookie will understand the relationship of a vampire to his maker.  Eric looks at Sookie, Bill glares at Eric, Sookie looks at Bill, Eric looks at Bill, Sookie looks at Eric...IT'S A LOOKAPALOOZA.

Lovely Christa Kelli, The
Christa Kelli was an extra on True Blood during season 2, I believe referred to on her website as "Halter Top Girl".  One time, she commented on one of my recaps when I mentioned the size of her upper lady parts.  Thus, she is my first celebrity reader, and she is, in fact, lovely.



M

Maker's Mark
the way that vampire parents can make their vampire kids do whatever they say; "As your maker, I command you" and that such non-sense

Man Meat
aka Alcide Herveaux because...come on, he IS.


mega-hump
when someone is grouchy or annoyed about something, they are said to have the mega-hump



O

OH GURL YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
something I say when a character says something that I know to be true already from having watched the show.
Example:  Then Tara gets all freaked out and realizes that Eggs might be too good to be True, and we're like OH GURL YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.
Because OBVS we know that Eggs WAS too good to be true.

OH NOES!
the ultimate drama, when things are just too dramatic to be possible

Operation Lamewolf
aka Operation Werwolf, which was apparently some super secret commando squad of Nazis during WWII.  This just means that the True Blood writers can use Wikipedia

OUTRAGED
the people on this show sometimes tend to overact, and when they are mad, they are not just mad.  They are OUTRAGED



P

Photoshop Monstrosity
that Godga-awful picture of Sookie and Tara with Gran when they were little


PHWOAR
a noise of general pleasure, as in PWHOAR, LOOK HOW HOT HE IS.  It is the noise one makes when something induces the urge to do dirty girl things.



R

Reverend Douche Newlin Jr.
son of Reverend Douche Newlin, Sr., who becomes leader of the Fellowship of the Sun after his father is mysteriously killed in a mysterious car wreck mysteriously.  (after recap 2.01, he just just referred to as Reverend Douche Newlin)



S

Scary Noises
the horror movie staple of strange noises alerting us that danger is around

SEXY SEXY
usually listed as SEXY SEXY ___, when something is just TOO SEXY for one all-caps SEXY

Shithole Bar and Grill
Merlotte's, where Sookie works

Sookie Sense
That weird ability Vampire Bill has of knowing when Sookie is in trouble, or, you know, not in trouble and he's just dreaming it.



T

TommyLJ
Sam's little brother, Tommy Mickens.  The same actor played LJ on "Prison Break".

Tyrone
the crackhead on the corner who talks to the vending machine, aka the person who does the styling for Eric and Pam



V

vampires
aka blurry blurness, a verb that means the way that vampires move super fast.  It can also be the way that the scene around them slows down so we know HEY, THIS HERE IS A VAMPIRE

vampire tractor beam
the way that vampires can beckon humans with a look or a gesture and OMG THEY. MUST. OBEY. and they do that sort of dazed walk; can also be accompanied by the sound "VOOOAAAAHHHHH"

vampo voice
that insane voice vampires always use in vampire media that is supposed to charm the pants (literally) off people. 

VB
Vampire Bill aka the Tornado of Sex and Fangs



W

WAT, WAAAAT, or Whut
variations of the word "what," used when I am incredulous.  Usually seen as "Um, whut?"

WHUT WHUT
The first thing Godric says as he enters a room, as in "WHUT WHUT I AM HERE," because obviously, Godric is one gangsta mofo

Woman Empowerment Cape
Sookie has a way of getting all offended when people insinuate that she can't do something because she's a woman.  She gets all puffed up and puts on her Woman Empowerment Cape and sets them straight.



Y

Yo
As in "I'M A VAMPIRE, YO".  Because just like Godric is obviously a gangsta, Bill is obviously a pimp-in-training, and pimps say 'Yo!'  Or something.